War Strategy

Your beloved Emperor was amazed to hear that Obama The Thin Skinned will reveal his war strategy tomorrow. He is expected to announce that he will be sending 34,000 more troops to Afghanistan instead of the 40,000 requested by his war planners. The Emperor, himself, does not quibble about such minor details that he believes are better left up to his generals. Despite the Emperor's many years of war experience he does not think he is qualified to decide on such subtle differences in troop levels. The Emperor was not aware that the Thin Skinned one was such a student of the military art that he could determine exactly how many troops are needed to achieve military goals--whatever they are.

When he Emperor decides to wage war, he does not concern himself with the actual details of the battle. Instead, he focuses on clearly stating the reason for the war and the overall objective for the warriors.

The Emperor believes that the details of the war plans should be kept secret. Actual troop levels and rotation schedules is vital information for enemy war planners. Revealing them to the world is folly. This unwise publication of war plans is not a problem unique to the Obamanites. Bush the Younger also revealed these kinds of details.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "All war is based on deception. Therefore, when capable, feign incapacity; when active, inactivity. When near, make it appear that you are far away; when far away, that you are near. Offer the enemy bait to lure him; feign disorder and strike him." Our warriors are masters of these concepts at the tactical level. Unfortunately, the politicians often feel the need to interfere in the activities of the warriors because they are more concerned with political survival than military victory.

Henceforth, the Emperor has decreed that revealing war strategy will be considered an act of treason. Those guilty of revealing military secrets will be punished by being sent to serve on the front lines so they may see what it is like to try and implement war plans that have been revealed to the enemy.

Rewarding Fools

Your beloved Emperor is very frugal, believing everyone should live within their means. When your Emperor, in recent years, relocated to a new palace he found he was unable to sell his old palace. Fortunately, through wise choices, your Highness was able to cover the costs of two mortgages. It was a struggle but by saving and controlling costs the Emperor and his family was able to pull through. Your Emperor was amazed, however, when the government offered special financial assistance to those who had not planned carefully. It seemed that the government was only interested in helping those people who knowingly took out mortgages that they were unable to pay. This seems to be the general operating philosophy of the government. No matter how poor your personal choices are they will help you avoid responsibility by taking money from people who made the right choices in life and giving it to you. In other words, if you are a screw up, you are rewarded; if you are successful, you are punished.

The Order of the Donkey is about to apply this same philosophy to health care throughout the realm. If you have lived a healthy lifestyle and have provided for your own family's medical care through careful planning and wise choices you will be punished by being saddled with extra taxes and fees to cover the cost of medical care for people who are fools. There is not requirement to live a healthy lifestyle or to save money for health problems. If you can't save a dime for your own future because you are spending it on cigarettes and whiskey you need not worry. Someone wiser and healthier will pay for your cancer treatments and liver transplant. If you can't be bothered to use protection while enjoying a promiscuous lifestyle, you need to matter. Some person who is married and faithful to his or her spouse will cover the costs of your Aids medications. Yes, the fools will have to pay premiums too (if they have any money) but they will pay the same premium as a healthy person. And they can't be denied coverage at someone else's expense no matter how self destructive their lifestyle is.

There is no accountability as is the nature of government entitlement programs that are characteristically rife with fraud and waste. Our national leadership has decided that the best way to solve the problem of bankrupt government entitlement programs is to augment them with an even larger one. It is time for all of us to become fools as there is no reward for being wise.

Light Bulbs

The Emperor has long been aware of the penchant of the Guild of Legislatures to dictate to the people how to live. The Guild has, in the past, told citizens what type of chemicals they can use in their refrigeration units, what type of toilets they can use, and now they dictate the light bulbs that must be purchased. These dictates are always meant to make life better for the citizen but often seem to make things worse.

One of the Guild's most famous dictates was to ban the chemical called DDT that was being used to stop malaria. Fortunately, DDT had already largely wiped out malaria in the American realm by the chemical by the time it was banned. Unfortunately, people living on other continents continue to die by the millions.

The refrigerant rule was meant to stop the destruction of the ozone layer. Whether the banning of freon has helped the ozone layer remains to be seen but the cost of replacing refrigeration systems back in the 1980's was very expensive for citizen.

The low flow toilet law passed in the 1990's made it illegal for people to use toilets that used 3.6 gallons of water. To conserve water, the low flow toilets that used 1.6 gallons were made mandatory. Unfortunately, the new toilets did not flush very well and citizens had to flush their toilets two or three times to make them work correctly.

Now, citizens are told they must use compact fluorescent light bulbs because they save energy. The CFL bulbs have a much longer lifespan than conventional bulbs but also cost much more. However, the cost savings from the low energy use is supposed to make them cheaper to use in the long run. The problem with this idea is that the bulbs only have a long life span if they are kept on for at least 15 minutes before being turned off. That is not a problem for outdoor lights but not practical indoors in a closet or garage. People turn on the light to see what they are after and then turn them off again a few seconds later. Using a CFL bulb like this shortens its life span by 80%--about the same as a regular light bulb. CFL bulbs also lose their brightness steadily during their life span making them next to useless after a certain age. And, of course, the CFL bulbs contain mercury which will in time pollute the water table. It is the Emperor's prediction that the CFL bulbs will ultimately use more energy and cause more pollution than conventional bulbs. Perhaps Al Gore should plant more trees.

Palin Of The Tundra

The former duchess of the Alaskan realm has once again woken up the Hate Monks of the Liberal Order by daring to appear in public again. The venomous chanting of the monks had slowed down in recent months as the Tundra Duchess kept quiet and concentrated on her manuscripts. Now that she has appeared again in front of tens of thousands wishing to experience her aura, the monks have again erupted into a fear-frothing assault on her person. The chanters have lost all rationality in their free-wheeling diatribes of hate and anger and fear. They spit their last breaths at her for hate's sake. It is amazing to see. The Hate Monks are matched in their fervor by the followers of the Tundra Duchess. They are drawn helplessly to her power and the hope of her possibility. Your Emperor has not seen so much political energy since the days of Reagan The Magnificent. It is too early to say how far the Duchess will go with her ambitions. The Hate Monks have never been whipped into such a lather before and there is no telling how far they will go to destroy the Duchess. They have shown no mercy or even passing civility. The Duchess must be made of stern stuff to withstand their assaults or the temptation to descend into the bog of hate with them. Yet, the Alaskan tundra is littered with the bones of those who opposed the Duchess. She is a skilled shield maiden and should not be underestimated. All that is certain at this point is that whatever Palin of the Tundra decides to do, it will have a big impact on politics throughout the realm.

Charities

The Emperor believes there is a difference between welfare and charity. Charity is a virtue and is an example of freedom. Giving to a charity is voluntary. The giver chooses how much he can give and when. He decides who the money goes to and for what purpose. If he believes the charity has too much overhead then he has the option of not giving to that particular charity. The giver can judge the charity in terms of how effective it is.

Government welfare programs are not charities. There is no choice in giving to government welfare programs. If you do not give, people with guns come to your house and arrest you and confiscate everything you own. There is no accountability in government welfare programs. There is no serious attempt to rehabilitate those who receive the handouts. Overhead absorbs most of the money taken for government welfare programs. There is no consideration given to the financial needs of the taxpayer when the money is taken from him and given to others. His hopes, dreams, and life goals are not considered. Forcing people to pay taxes to help others is not and example of patriotism. It is an example of tyranny.

Henceforth, citizens of the realm will not be forced to give to others through their taxes. Citizens will have the option of giving to government entitlement programs or to charities. Taxes for all will be set to 15%. Charitable giving will be rewarded with a dollar for dollar reduction in income taxes up to 5%. The government will provide a list of acceptable charities that citizens may choose from to earn their tax credit. The primary burden of helping the poor will be shifted from the government to charitable organizations. The government will provide backup as needed. The poor will be helped by organizations better suited to provide for them and all citizens will be able to experience the joy of charitable giving without the threat of incarceration.

Bait and Switch Politics

Your Emperor has noticed the supreme skill with which the Order of the Donkey has kept the Health care Bill moving through Congress. They first managed to get Senator Snowe from Maine to break ranks with the Order of the Elephant by promising her that the "Public Option" would not be a part of the bill. As soon as the bill was moved out of committee, the option was added back in. Likewise, the bill narrowly passed the House with the backing of moderate Donkeys who were promised that abortion funding would be denied in the new health care plan. Now, the "Thin Skinned" has signaled that he will not allow the abortion amendment to be included in the final bill. While the Emperor is duly impressed by the skill of the Obamanites to trick wavering lawmakers into supporting the bill, he wonders about those who were betrayed. Their lack of outrage at having been duped indicates that perhaps they weren't fooled so much as given a plausible cover for their votes.

Diversity Tragedy

Your Emperor was stunned to read a quote from the Army Chief of Staff, General Casey who said, "...what happened at Fort Hood was a tragedy, but I believe it would be an even greater tragedy if our diversity becomes a casualty here." Really? How many Americans must die at the hands of Muslim Jihadists before diversity becomes less of a priority? I would think General Casey would be more concerned about the welfare of his own troops. I would think that his top priority would be to ensure no more American soldiers die at the hands of people who's religious beliefs make it impossible for them to put the Constitution ahead of the Koran. How many more Army recruiters will be shot? How many more officers will be fragged in their tents? How many more plots to attack Army installations will be uncovered? How many more soldiers standing in line for medical screening will be killed? We are at war but the only ones who seem to understand that are our enemies. We still think the enemy is living in caves in Pakistan and can't come to grips with the understanding that they are living among us and using our own freedoms to attack us. If this were the 1940's these people would be living in internment camps. Today they are allowed to openly spread their hatred in their so-called houses of worship and randomly kill Americans when the opportunity presents itself. As such, the Emperor has decreed that the safety of our citizens is a higher priority than diversity. Henceforth, no Muslims will be permitted to serve in the armed forces of the United States.

No Publicity For Killers

The Emperor has noticed that murder-suicides have become commonplace now. Some of them are committed by sick people who want to hurt someone they know and then escape justice by killing themselves. Others seem to be motivated by a desire to achieve a lasting infamy through a horrific act of mass murder. Examples are the two teenage boys who killed their fellow students at Columbine and the college boy responsible for the massacre at Virginia Tech. It is hard to say how many attacks are meant to copy past massacres. The Columbine murderers referenced the Oklahoma City bombing in their own plans. The Virginia Tech murderer made reference to the Columbine murderers. Numerous individuals who were foiled in their plans to commit murder indicated they desired to achieve greater infamy than the Columbine murderers. It appears that some of these massacres are planned as a way to achieve fame for an individual who would otherwise pass through life unnoticed. The murderers seem to think that if they can't achieve their desires for fame through achievement, why not achieve infamy through murder. Of course, the more successful the attack the greater the media coverage which fuels even more horrific attacks. The media coverage seems to be counterproductive. As such, the Emperor has decreed that henceforth murderers will have their names stricken from the public record. No books, movies, newscasts, magazines, newspapers, songs, memorials, or even gravestones will be marked with their names. It will be as if they never existed. Thus, murder in the Emperor's realm will be rewarded with complete obscurity.

Killing the Golden Geese

Your Emperor likens the current economic policy of the Federal government to the story of the Golden Goose. In this case, the golden goose or geese in this case are the so-called "rich." Using 2007 tax returns anyone filing a return with more than $113,000 on it was in the top 10% of wage earners and provided 61% of the tax revenue from income taxes. Anyone filing with more than $66,500 was in the top 25% of wage earners and provided 86% of the tax revenue. Thus, from the Emperor's perspective, people in the top 25% are the golden geese that lay the golden eggs that the government collects.

Now it must be understood that your Emperor was not born rich, is not currently rich, and has no desire to be rich. The Emperor is content to be rich in spirit and leaves the pursuit of material wealth to others. In his great wisdom and keen observation of his beloved subjects, the Emperor has concluded that many of his people desire to "be a millionaire." The Emperor does not look unkindly on his subjects for feeling this way. However, he is disappointed that so many who desire this wealth for themselves are so envious of those who already have it.

The Order of the Donkey has exploited this feeling of envy among the people to fashion an unfair and ruinous tax policy on the wealthy. The Emperor believes that a man who earns an honest buck should be allowed to keep it regardless of how many he has. It seems that many who wish to confiscate the wealth of the rich do so on the belief that they have obtained their wealth unfairly or through the exploitation of others. Yet, at the same time, the envious desire this wealth for themselves.

The Order of the Donkey and the Order of the Elephant have different policies concerning the taxation of the rich. The Elephants believe that the best way to obtain more golden eggs is to make it easier for more people to become "golden geese." The Donkeys believe the best way to obtain more golden eggs is to squeeze more eggs out of the geese. Unfortunately, as history has proved, squeezing the geese just kills them.

The new domestic policies that are emerging in Washington now are funded on the "squeezing the geese" concept. As such, these polices will doom the economy. The golden geese will become fewer in number and begin producing fewer and fewer eggs. This, in turn, will lead to more squeezing of the geese and a lowering of the threshold for qualifying as a "golden goose."

To prevent this predictable tragedy form occurring again, the Emperor has decreed that none of his subjects will pay more than %15 of their annual income in taxes regardless of how much they earn. Furthermore, everyone in the bottom %50 of wage earners (below $35,000) will pay no income tax at all.

Religion of Peace

Your Majesty the Emperor read with disbelief today an article from a left-leaning magazine blog that speculated that the tragedy at Fort Hood yesterday was brought about by a military stretched too thin. The author indicated that this type of violence was the result of sending soldiers overseas to fight to often. Of course the madman who killed all those soldiers had never been overseas. He was not married or even engaged. He had no family to leave behind. He had no reason to be stressed to the breaking point. Publicly, various officials and journalists wondered aloud, "What was his motivation?" The fact that he shouted, "God is great!", in Arabic before he started killing people might be a clue.

fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them, an seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war)

From the koran, the Sword Verse.

It is justice that this Muslim man was brought down by a woman. They both fired. He shot her once, she shot him four times. The Emperor sees something poetic in this.

As for those of your women who are guilty of lewdness, call to witness four of you against them.

The Holy Koran

The Emperor believes very strongly in freedom of religion. Each man must choose his path. However, any religion that advocates violence against unbelievers or woman will not be permitted in his realm.

Sprint for the Finish

Is is obvious to your Majesty that Pelosi Queen of Liberals and The Order of the Donkey have realized they must act quickly to get their socialistic agenda passed into law. The loss of two state governor's elections, the declining popularity of Obama the Thin Skinned, and an angry mob of 20,000 subjects of the realm protesting outside the Capital building today have given the Donkeys a sense of urgency. They know their window of opportunity will be closed soon. It is obvious they intend to push their medical bill through like the giant overstuffed Thanksgiving turkey it is. No one knows what's inside, least of all the people who cooked it. Hopefully they remembered to take out the little bag of stew parts otherwise this turkey is going to have a bad toxic taste to it--a toxic taste called unintended consequences. His Majesty wonders if anyone out there expects this bill to be any more financially secure than Medicare or Medicaid.

Strike Two

Obama the Thin Skinned has just suffered a second big blow to his prestige. After his lobbying efforts to bring the Olympics to Chicago ended in an embarrassing defeat he has now suffered his second big setback. Placing his reputation on the line by stumping vigorously for incumbent Governor Corzine in New Jersey he has again been slapped in the face by the results. The Order of the Donkey must be wondering what has transpired in the last twelve months to so completely reverse their fortunes. His Majesty is also wondering. Did the people of the province of New Jersey not understand what Obama was saying when he campaigned in and won their state last year? It is your beloved Emperor's opinion that Obama is doing exactly what he said he would do if elected. Why then are the people so unhappy with the results? His Majesty wonders if the New Jersey delegates during the Presidential election last year were the same people who awarded the Thin Skinned one his Nobel Prize last month.

The Baroness of State

The smartest woman in the world, the current Baroness of State is finding that "smart power" isn't as smart as she thought. The goal of the Administration of the Thin Skinned one was to change the tone of American foreign policy to make all our enemies love us without having to intimidate them. To walk softly and leave the big stick at home. Apparently the Baroness didn't get the memo or got a different sheet of music. She has struggled on numerous trips abroad in putting a good face on her efforts. The period of time in which a broken elbow kept her at home may have been her best achievement as Baroness of State. In a trip to Africa last summer she verbally attacked a student who's question was misinterpreted in a way that the Baroness found objectionable. While she was castigating the poor bewildered youth, her husband was in Korea making big headlines by securing the release of two American journalists--headlines she was perhaps a little sensitive about. In more recent news she has, in the space of a week, managed to offend both the Pakistanis and the Palestinians. While, no doubt, both of these peoples NEEDED to be offended, it is a strange manifestation of this so-called "smart power" idea. His Majesty wonders if this new foreign policy shouldn't be called "snark power."

The Order of the Elephants

The Order of the Elephant wishes to succeed Obama “The Thin Skinned” and his Order of the Donkey in the next two elections. However, they will not succeed if they continue to resort to demagoguery and virulent personal attacks. The latest claim by Lindbaugh “The Loud One” about Obama's attendance at the transfer of war dead at Dover Air Force Base is the kind of nasty nonsense that will keep the Elephants from realizing their goals. Regardless of Obama's purpose at being at the airfield, the Loud One's comments can only be viewed as pure churlishness. The Elephants are struggling to determine the character of their party. His Majesty recommends they seize the high ground by focusing on policy differences rather than nasty rhetoric. The Elephants are stinging from the harsh treatment of Bush “The Younger” by Obama and the Donkeys and have allowed themselves to be drawn into a gutter fight that they can not win. The Elephants are trying to determine if the moderate elements of the party or the “hard right” elements will set the agenda. Whichever they choose they would best be served by conducting themselves in a manner that does not make them appear to be petty and divisive. The Emperor believes his beloved right-thinking subjects desire a leader that can point the way forward without pointing fingers. The Elephants are advised to resolve their internal disputes privately, suppress nasty and pointless dialogue, and choose an intelligent and charismatic leader to face the “Thin Skinned” in the next election lest they condemn the realm to more donkey's years.